Let's be angsty, shall we?

I've got a simply gigantic doozy of a post being worked upon, the obligatory end-of-year post, and it would have been the 200th post too, but I feel the waves of irony, sarcasm and angst [oh and humor] washing over me today.

.......
Naturally I've all but forgotten what I was going to be angsty about! Oh well here's for a quick recap.

Patriocentricity update: 
Stacy McDonald replied to my comment....well actually she didn't publish it, but sent me an email.
[I had mercifully all but forgotten about it until right now, heh.] Suffice it to say that I angsted about the whole thing for a week or two. I am still irked at what seems to me to be a refusal to discuss things honestly. I believe that it is possible for someone to be entirely well-intentioned in their views, but at the same time close themselves off to considering any other viewpoint as valid. They are honest in their intentions, but their protection of their views is not honest.   And THAT, my friends, is what I call disingenuous.

FIRST news: 

Remember the NASA grant that we were so sure we wouldn't get? Well it came through.....$5000 registration paid and now we have a tidy sum laid by for next year/buying parts for this year. Awesomeness all round.

The FRC team in New Jersey whose team captain I'd been bugging to not give up hope: they are fully funded, the money came through in the pinch.

The FRC team in Eugene [whose captain I had also been bugging], is ALSO fully funded: last night, to my frantic enthusiasm, their team captain told me that FIRST actually came through [via our Regional Director] and worked things out. This is wonderful news, it would have been very disappointing to see Eugene not be able to participate.

The other day several members of the robotics team gathered at my place to learn programming [in the lack of anyone who actually is already proficient in C++.....] under the tutelage of a former FRC team member and current computer sci. student. I became quite enthused and have spent the last few days tooling around in Wind River Workbench [where code compile properly] and Xcode [where perfectly legitimate code can't find its libraries and hands me a bunch of error messages].

Today I undertook to copy the WPI libraries [written by Worcester Polytechnic Institute specially for use in FRC] to my Mac [Eddie, running Xcode]. This proved tortuous.....some of the errors have gone, but others have popped up in their place, nevertheless in a way which gives me hope I might some day be able to compile FRC code on a Mac. Because I REFUSE to dual-boot Eddie into Windows or anything like that.

Just for kicks, let's post a sample of code: this, linked against the WPI libraries, should theoretically be enough to run a 120-lb. robot....it even includes a snazzy little user-defined class called, stunningly enough, 'kicker', in attempts to recreate the idea behind last year's soccer-ball-kicking robot.

#include "WPILib.h"

#include "kicker.h"

/**

 * This is a demo program showing the use of the RobotBase class.

 * The SimpleRobot class is the base of a robot application that will automatically call your

 * Autonomous and OperatorControl methods at the right time as controlled by the switches on

 * the driver station or the field controls.

 * Includes kicker.h, Bethany's user-defined class. 

 */ 

class RobotDemo : public SimpleRobot

{

RobotDrive myRobot; // robot drive system, can be controlled by two victors

Joystick stick; // only joystick

Solenoid sol1; //solenoid 1

Victor vic1; //victor 1

Victor vic2; //victor 2 

Kicker kick; //kicker defined in kicker.h 

public:

RobotDemo(void):

// these must be initialized in the same order

stick(1), // as they are declared above.

sol1(1),

vic1(1),

vic2(2),

myRobot(&vic1, &vic2) //pointers to locations of victors

//Kick needs no perameters

{

GetWatchdog().SetExpiration(100); //0.1 seconds

}

/**

* Drive left & right motors for 2 seconds then stop

*/

void Autonomous(void)

{

GetWatchdog().SetEnabled(false); 

vic1.Set(0.5); // drive both motors forward, half speed

vic2.Set(0.5);

Wait(2000);    //    for 2 seconds

vic1.Set(0.0); // stop robot

vic2.Set(0.0);

}

/*Runs the motors with arcade steering. */

void OperatorControl(void) //does this need void parameter? implied with mere ()? 

{

GetWatchdog().SetEnabled(false); //disable Watchdog

while (IsOperatorControl())

{

myRobot.ArcadeDrive(&stick); // drive with arcade style (use right stick [?])

Wait(5); // wait for a motor update time, .005 seconds

//joystick trigger for solenoid

if (stick.GetTrigger()==true) //can also use stick.GetTrigger() [without ==true]

{

sol1.Set(true); 

}

else {

sol1.Set(false);

}

if (stick.GetTrigger()==true) //or stick.GetTriggger() 

{

kick.Release();  //variable.function.....kick [does] release

kick.Kick(true); //if want long kick....kick [does] kicks

}  

else {

kick.Retract(); //retract at all other times

}

}

}

};

START_ROBOT_CLASS(RobotDemo);  //why a macro? I thought macros were bad policy?

Note the copious use of comments [like this: //this is a comment]......I suspect that my fully-commented code will be a wonder, and a thing of beauty and sarcasm. As we know: as a programmer, my job is to write documentation that happen to compile. [Devil's advocate says: never document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.]  Also: if the robot hasn't burst into flames, the problem is the programmer's fault. Another Chief Delphi quote to round out the evening: We'll defenestrate our programmer, and I'll report back our solution if we get anything working.


First game hint  is out! It has resulted in speculation that the game will
a) involve columnar game pieces
b) take place on stairs
c) be a mash-up of all previous games [FIRST's 20-year anniversary]
d) be related to a 'conjunction' of some sort [planetary or otherwise]
e) incorporate trains, train-tracks, or 'engines' [towed behind robots...but we did that in 2009]
f) loco-motion, the name of the singer in that game hint's major hit, will come into play: crazy == loco....some form of new and terrifying-to-program motion....
g) the game will definitely be called LocoMotion [or perhaps Back on Track]

and...
h) this hint, of course, means water game.


I think the angst I mentioned in the title [admittedly just to get people to read this post..] stemmed from my unwisely trawling through a website the other day which touted a comprehensive 'modesty checklist'....which listed high heels and the hose classically worn with them as immodest. Several commenters mentioned they didn't see why that would be a problem, as they never wear skirts shorter than ankle-length anyway.
Why do I hang out with these people?

On another note, allow me to link to a blog by an amazing young woman who I can, perhaps, agree to disagree with. Bailey's blog,  Big House in the Little Woods.
[One of her latest posts mentions me so I thought it appropriate to link....note that there is at least one other Bethany who comments on her blog, look for the profile pic :) ]

I finally rallied myself to comment on said post.....comment moderation in effect tho, so possibly delayed.  It's quite unusual to find someone who holds a lot of patriocentric views, but is still willing to discuss things honestly.


Annnnnd.....it's Christmas Eve. I'd come out with a homily of some sort but if you're anything like me, you've been bombarded with such for the past few days.

...oh DEAR......my mom and I were just talking about gifts, she mentioned the shortfall of gifts for me [hah, shortfall, not really, I am amazingly fortunate :) ] and I piped up 'The iPod...' [iPod Shuffle, which we arose at an unearthly hour to buy at an early sale]....and then she says 'Oh yes! Except I don't know where that is....'
There is a running joke of gifts and so on getting mislaid in the wrapping-up process. One year it was a flash drive, rubber bands, AND a packet of garden seeds [I was specially keen on those rubber-bands...] and some of them didn't show up for months.
There's also this great herbal lip balm [a Key Point in cold wet weather] that I picked out for myself recently but which ought now to be packed up into my stocking....I came very close to EATING the darned thing after I bought it....yummy rose flavor.....NOM. The label actually says 'Don't eat' with a mention of how nommy it is....hehe.

Fun Fact of the Day: a package carrying goodies [cookies, a cement-like block of homemade fruitcake, and assorted fruit, all packed with care in real Oregon fir branches doubtless harboring horrible foreign bug-pests] can wing its way to the East Coast in.....drum-roll please.....one weekend before Christmas. I shipped it out in a flat-rate box on Saturday and it arrived by Monday....we were all in awe of the superlative US Postal Service. A book-rate package did the same journey in three days I think, irregardless [teehoo] of foul snowstorms and patented 'wintry mix' currently dispersing itself over the continental US!

We are sitting around being happy that we didn't go to California for Christmas [to see my grandparents...we were considering it two weeks ago]......mudslides and evacuations and torrential rain are such fun ways to spend one's Christmas holiday. Earlier in the month, we also had a near escape from heading to Seattle by train for a programming workshop on the same day that Amtrak was shut down due to flooding.

-Dropbox is very, very nifty.
-Dance/electronica/techno music is very fun and Basshunter is a prime specimen of this.
-Pointers are a unique concept in programming which causes me to brood for prolonged periods of time and then burst out with obscure technical references whilst batting the air.
-Full moon causes bad dreams.
-The Voyage of the Dawn Treader was a very good movie and a rather bad book-adaptation. I want screenshots from it though, that was a PRETTY movie in parts.
-I don't really like live-action 3D films.

And now I think I shall adjourn. More posts soon, hopefully.

October update

Hullo all! I have not, actually, fallen off the face of the earth.

.....I really haven't written about stuff in a LONG time.....pardon me for a minute while I make a quick to-do list with bullet points and sub-headers to sum up what's been going on!
[Facebook statuses below, in the weird font: ]

Hm, physics studied, sinus infection pwned, LEGO Robotics teams organized, calculus understood, pumpkin pie nommed, Team 956 registered for AOR, Nat'l Merit essay written, grant applications being worked on. Not bad.....




1) The patriocentricity debate has not gone away, it has just gone underground for the time being. I have a presentiment that it is going to come back with a vengeance eventually. When it does, it will probably create angst and horror on a level of what-all went on last month.


2) School is going very well.  I am taking physics, tech support, French 3, and AP calculus this semester [after January, I'll add in a pre-calculus/trigonometry class to the mix]. Calculus is going surprisingly well...no dear, I am not a geek....so is physics, actually. This is a really fun surprise, because I have never liked science very much. I guess physics has enough math that I'm happy, hehe.

Bethany just looked up from calc homework and proclaimed in an accusatory tone, 'It's a POLYNOMIAL!'


3) FIRST Robotics still dominates my life. Efforts on that front progress in several areas. I've been working a LOT on grants...writing and phoning big technology corporations and so on, in hopes of getting sponsorship. We need $5000 to participate in FIRST.....so far we have over 2K in school-supplied funding [saved from last year].  Just two days ago the first of the grants came through.  Platt Electrical supply will be funding our team to the tune of $1000. Very enthusing :)   Also, we have got a 25% discount on supplies from 80/20 [aluminum supplier].
That sum of 5K hangs, like the fabled Oliphaunt of old, like a doomsome and mythical phœnix, on the horizon of my every THOUGHT! [In layman's terms, I eat breathe and sleep $5000.]

Recruitment is also going with a swing. So far, we have got 5 girls and 4 boys on the team. This is UNHEARD of, most FRC teams struggle to make 30% girls....THINK OF THE GRANTS!! Think of the under-represented population being outreached to!! Anyways, we've got a really ENTHUSED girl who just joined the team, she could have been hand-picked to be my much-desired successor in Public Relations and organization and so on....YAY FOR AWESOME LEADERSHIP GEEKS!!

Hmm, on a side note, here's a link to that haven of geek-jokes, XKCD.....this comic right here sums up why engineering is cool, y'know? [Actually, that is probably far from the most epic of their webcomics, but I just had to share it...tee hee...because I am in a link-to-websites mood].


I am also [in addition for being to blame for starting 5 other FLL teams] in charge of coaching two FIRST LEGO League robotics teams for kids in 4th-6th grade. There are 15 kids there on a good day.  It is INSANE. Things are starting to go better tho, at our last meeting I successfully taught  them all some programming techniques [which entailed making a projector work, no small feat]. By the end of the meeting both teams had done some programming and had a LEGO robot that drove according to their enthusiastically programmed instructions.
The kids on the teams are AWESOME, they really are. I get all sentimental when I look at this little human geeks and see ....well my Facebook status can speak for me....

me, in chat, about 4th-6th grade kids in my LEGO teams: I look at 'em, and I see ENGINEERS....WORLD CHANGERS..LEADERS....
Michael: Where's the like button on chat?


4) Work has been rather intense....every weekday, right after school, my dad and I go to work until 9 PM, at a local phone bank. The pay is good, and it's only until the election, but whew, I am WHACKED after a long day [often starting at 5:30 AM] of school, robotics and work. It's actually rather cool tho, people always read at work [while waiting for the victim to pick up the phone] and I can often get homework and reading done.

Monday night I had one of the classic semi-yearly all-nighters. [Usually they don't start until build season, or at least NaNoWriMo, but I wanted to get into practice....]  At work that night I realized that I really needed to have this video project by the NEXT DAY's first meeting of our high school robotics team. Whilst at work, I took advantage of the lulls between calls to scratch down ideas [including where to find the desired footage on my various computers and hard drives].
Home and settled by 10 PM and prepared the coffee.....an enthused post on Facebook when I actually managed to find the coffee stash [we thought we didn't have any].  I got a minimal amount of sleep [ <45 minutes] but was nevertheless able to finish the video project. By 6 AM I was out at the bus stop to get to school, fresh as a daisy [sort of]. Fun times :P .....especially since we wound up not actually using the video at all.

5) The usual seasonal festivities are well under way here in the Pacific North-west. The trees are turning, fog is common, and we are inches away from our first frost. [Incidentally, the cosmoses and Mexican sunflowers are blooming at last, no doubt just in time to be nipped by a good freeze!]

Pumpkin pie has figured largely in the events of the past few weeks, as well.


Today we had a pleasant Saturday in and out of the homestead. I awoke at the leisurely hour of 9:30 AM, and we forthwith headed out to the farmers' market. Amidst much mirth, we then proceeded to Rice 'N' Spice to stock up on essentials such as natto [fermented soybeans] and chocolate-hazelnut paste.
Then it was off to the Co-op, where we actually bought some coffee. This is unprecedented, usually we rely for our caffeine upon the little packets of cheap and nasty coffee stashed in hotel rooms for hard-up decaffeinated guests.

After a brief stint doing stuff at home, I left again, this time with my mom, who patiently carted me off to the local shopping mall [in one town], and then off in the other direction into C-town to the library and so on. I spent a happy half-hour running around the library getting books to take off to work this week.

Hopefully I shall post more soon! There have been a lot of interesting and amusing events lately.

And, finally, peace

I think I may have finally found peace. Not that I was ever particularly lacking it, in any but this one area: the struggle against patriocentricity. The few friends who I trust with issues like these, and rather a lot of blog-followers, have patiently listened to and read reams of my discussions about patriocentricity. Some don't really understand why it matters, but some of those people care anyway :)  My hapless dear friend Eva talked about it with me for a solid couple of hours in the small hours of the morning one time. Other friends are willing to talk about it, and nothing else, when needed. Otherwise-unknown people from cyberspace have commented and encouraged and offered hope.

I wrote the following to Hillary McFarland, author of the just-out book Quivering Daughters, and of the blog of the same name. It does a wee bit of a summing-up of today. 

And this is for all of you, thank you :)

Thank you so, so much for everything you do. Today a dear friend, who has patiently undergone hours of discussion about patriocentricity, mentioned fruit....and 'how shall we know Christ's followers'. Showing love to others...that is something I have never, in years of absorbing patriocentric views, seen or felt. In the last month, I found your blog, and others, supporting a far more moderate and loving stance, which I'd never seen before. I had always thought that one was either a feminist/whitewashed version thereof, or a daughter of the patriarchy.
Immediately I was welcomed [by Karen Campbell :)] and reassured. Even then I struggled with doubts, that perhaps this 'acceptance' was merely the acceptance of sin in my own life.

I have asked God so many times to show me the truth in these matters, but so far with no more success than could be explained away by 'my own emotions'. 
My friend's comment about knowing Christ's followers by their love changed that.
I realized that I do not want to join the patriocentrists, do not want to show the fruits that I see in their views, of legalism and a painful lack of love.
I have, on the other hand, seen so much compassion and understanding and love of the Lord in you and others like you. Finally I am accepting that perhaps the struggle I've always felt against patriocentric views was NOT wrong.
Thank you, for showing us that those who disagree with the patriocentric viewpoint need not be 'in rebellion' or any of the other things that we get called, but instead can be loving, conservative, and relying on God's strength.
Blessings on you for your work, and thank you again. :)




I do feel free, now. Finally. The truth shall set you free....can I get an amen, anyone?  Probably these issues will continue to affect me, but just the one fact is different now....'Bethany, do you WANT to be like them?' and the answer, this time, is no.

Please pray that I will in future always look to God's Word, and that alone, for knowledge of right and wrong. In other words......

And please pray that other young women will be spared needless pain and shame. 

I'm getting baptized in a few weeks, on my birthday as a matter of fact. Perhaps it is appropriate that in the past few months I have begun to actively search the Bible and God's will, and at the same time, to weigh the 'biblical' teachings about patriocentricity which have lurked in the background of my life for years. 

Oh, and I'm happy. 

Post # 2 on serious topics

Wellwell. I got a sizable turnout of opinions on my last post, both here on the blog and on Facebook, where my blog posts to as well. On to the next [related] topic. Below is a comment I posted on another blog, which was reviewing the book Before You Meet Prince Charming, by Sarah Mally.  What I wrote below is really more in regards to some other, similar books.
Again, if you haven't read the books mentioned this may not make a lot of sense....I'll try to provide links and so on.  And I know this topic could create a bit of conflict, and people disagreeing with me, I'll take that as it comes.
The comment below was posted on this blog article here:

I was required to read this book, as well as Beautiful Girlhood [by Karen Andreola, I believe? Or edited by her?] and Raising Maidens of Virtue [Stacy McDonald] in my early teens. If anything, these books alienated me somewhat from Christianity, and from the courtship movement, something I deeply regret. Only in the past two years or so have I more fully embraced God and the idea of a courtship-based approach to marriage [and I still consider that the last needs to be carefully handled, a la Josh Harris].

I found myself continually taking issue with the points raised, probably because I felt convicted of my own failings [and of their truth? I'm still not sure].  For a girl who has often been over-fond of the company of boys, almost everything that I read in these books felt as though it was aimed at me.

My mom realized that I would probably never fully embrace all the philosophies in Before You Meet Prince Charming, and sold the book at a homeschool book sale last year, so I unfortunately do not have it to refer to here.   But I remember arguing [in my own head] with the idea that if girls live outside of the home [i.e. college], they will become used to independence and feel stifled when it comes time for them to marry. The idea was that this would be prevented by a girl's living under her father's roof until marriage.
My arguments were 1) that if a girl feels [and probably knows she will feel] 'stifled' by marriage, it is not yet TIME to get married! There comes a time when a woman [or anyone, IMO] becomes lonely with a solitary life, and I think that maybe one cannot appreciate the companionship of marriage without a previous time of 'freedom'. What would be more submissive than a woman entering into a marriage contract when both she and her husband know she is giving up what the world calls freedom FOR this one man?

and 2) that if one is afraid that a girl will become used to feeling independent and enjoy it, how fragile must be the 'benefits' of eschewing that independence! 'The truth needs no strength to sustain it' [probably a mis-quote on my part...]

There is, in all three of the books I mentioned, a concern with girls guarding the hearts of the young men around them, something I heartily endorse. [I personally am enraged at some girls' careless and selfish behavior with young Christian men.] However there is always mention of some behaviors as incorrect or even sinful, which I have indulged in and hope to be innocent.
   The most hurtful thing I ever remember one of my girl friends saying to me was at the age of 12 or so, in a tone of disgust at what she must have thought to be my purposeful attention-getting: 'Bethany, why do you always make such a show of yourself?'   It so happened that at the time I had NO idea I was 'making a show of myself', but it certainly looked that way, I will admit. I was also once nicknamed 'Peacock' for a [short] while. All of this going on in a small Christian homeschool co-op group...  Anyways, my point is that some girls feel horribly offended and hurt if they are told they are trying to get attention. Books [Beautiful Girlhood, which I know is not the topic of this post] often mention girls who 'do their hair in new and daring styles' [that IS a quote, at the time I read that I was about 11 and enjoyed braiding my hair in new styles and so on...I memorized that darn phrase] or are fond of being in town, in negative lights [usually the harlot's-feet-abiding-not-in-her-house comes up].


My other major concern is with the concept of courtship, only as portrayed by Sarah Mally in this book.
Please correct me if I am wrong on this though! :)

At least in the allegorical story which is woven through the book, the Princess finally marries a Prince who approaches her [or rather her FATHER] in the appropriate way, and who is also a courageous and caring young man. BUT BUT BUT...I can recall little or no time with the young couple shown getting to know each other! Did I just miss this? It certainly was not harped upon in the accompanying text. How did they know that they shared the same interests? Ideals? Did they at least know where the other stood on important issues, even if they didn't agree? Just because a person is 'good', even just because they are a strong Christian, does not mean that they will automatically make YOU a good marriage partner.

I do not consider that dating is a good choice for most people, certainly not in any form of 'dating around' just for fun. But on the other hand, surely getting to know members of the opposite gender, however little dating actually performs that task, is preferable to being close friends with NO ONE! I recall now another book [Emotional Purity, by Heather Paulsen I believe] which made the case that it is dangerous to be close friends with anyone of the opposite gender. It referred to 'emotional fornication' which, if I recall correctly, was not lust as we would think of it, but instead the sharing of one's MIND with another person. Having in-depth talks about one's faith were to be avoided. There was something to the effect of, you only want to share your spiritual life with your spouse, isn't it emotional fornication to do anything else?  

My main concern is that young people may wind up marrying each other without knowing each other very well. Sure, they may get better acquainted during courtship and engagement, but isn't it a little late to be finding out important stuff about your significant other at that point?

I am amazed and thankful to find that this view of courtship is not the only one. Josh Harris' is, I think, much better. One of my very close Christian friends ascribes to a courtship ideal which I consider extremely sensible. It involves being very clear with people on where your relationship with them stands, and not dating just for fun. The plan is to be allowed to get to know lots of people very well, but be open and honest with all of them. When you know who the best choice for marriage is, you hopefully already know a LOT about them...and one would hope that one of the first criteria is being compatible in faith, interests, and personality.

It seems that girls who follow some of BYMPC's guidelines will miss out on many good and innocent relationships. Friendships that is.  [for me personally at least. Some girls do connect well with other girls, I tend to have trouble doing so with all but a few. In addition, my scholastic/career interests put me in contact with chiefly guys. While I would hate to appear to undervalue female companionship, I also frequently find it easier to give and receive help in spiritual and faith-based areas with young men.]
I know this is getting long, so I will wind up after just one more [heh heh] personal testimony. Had I followed some of BYMPC and Emotional Purity's guidelines, I am pretty sure I would have missed out on one of my deepest friendships: more importantly, I very well might still be in the fairly lukewarm Christianity that I was a few months ago. Conversing with a young man who deeply loves God helped me in so many ways that I hate to think of the sort of person I was even a few months ago. That provided a sort of springboard to pursuing God more strongly than I have in all my years of being a Christian. While God might very well have opened my heart in other or better ways, the fact remains that whenever purity has been a focus of my friendships with young men, nothing but good has resulted.


Hum. Almost done now. I would like to say that I highly support many of the principles outlined in Sarah Mally's book. Purity before marriage is a very important topic but I feel that this book has some worrying ideas and perhaps fallacies in it.

at the bottom of the sine curve.

Life is doing its best right now to make me die, or else make me cry, and it is having its tail kicked because I refuse to do either.

It is amusing to me that whether my life is going well or going badly, it is always epic.  Trips halfway across the country, and cancer in the family, and filmmaking, and everything in between.

This started out as your typical enigmatic woe-is-me, I-am-alone, fade-to-black type of post but I am not going to inflict that on my reader[s? I wonder].  

I don't ever hit rock bottom, the sine curve only goes to -1 and nobody could call that rock bottom.   That's assuming we're on the unit circle of course.



I have to go. We're heading up to a robotics gig this afternoon and I need to mastermind the whole affair, as far as packing and quartermastering and marshalling the forces of food and so on. You see, I can't be tragic, or at least can't sound that way. Because even the worst things are kind of funny, if you think about them. I come home in the rain and laugh at the sky, and it's almost funny, almost like something amusing happened.  It's more of a growl though.

You know me, in a day or two I'll be back in town with amusing tales of my life as a geek. Maybe things are only funny when you know that right behind the laugh is a growl, a snarl. Tears, maybe. Pride twists you and makes it weakness to cry.


Have fun, in your personal selection of varied topics, tears and laughter and....snarls.

No excuses, no regrets

If you do what you want, be prepared to pay for it. There will be consequences.  At the same time, NO REGRETS. If you sinned, know that God can and will forgive you. Don't make excuses. But don't spend the rest of your life in regrets. At the time you did exactly what you wanted. Someway, somehow, it will turn out for the best.
[and no, I don't know all this from experience.]

This goes for things you can't control too. Accept what happened and move on.

No regrets.