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Sunday, August 22, 2010

And, finally, peace

I think I may have finally found peace. Not that I was ever particularly lacking it, in any but this one area: the struggle against patriocentricity. The few friends who I trust with issues like these, and rather a lot of blog-followers, have patiently listened to and read reams of my discussions about patriocentricity. Some don't really understand why it matters, but some of those people care anyway :)  My hapless dear friend Eva talked about it with me for a solid couple of hours in the small hours of the morning one time. Other friends are willing to talk about it, and nothing else, when needed. Otherwise-unknown people from cyberspace have commented and encouraged and offered hope.

I wrote the following to Hillary McFarland, author of the just-out book Quivering Daughters, and of the blog of the same name. It does a wee bit of a summing-up of today. 

And this is for all of you, thank you :)

Thank you so, so much for everything you do. Today a dear friend, who has patiently undergone hours of discussion about patriocentricity, mentioned fruit....and 'how shall we know Christ's followers'. Showing love to others...that is something I have never, in years of absorbing patriocentric views, seen or felt. In the last month, I found your blog, and others, supporting a far more moderate and loving stance, which I'd never seen before. I had always thought that one was either a feminist/whitewashed version thereof, or a daughter of the patriarchy.
Immediately I was welcomed [by
Karen Campbell :)] and reassured. Even then I struggled with doubts, that perhaps this 'acceptance' was merely the acceptance of sin in my own life.

I have asked God so many times to show me the truth in these matters, but so far with no more success than could be explained away by 'my own emotions'. 

My friend's comment about knowing Christ's followers by their love changed that.
I realized that I do not want to join the patriocentrists, do not want to show the fruits that I see in their views, of legalism and a painful lack of love.
I have, on the other hand, seen so much compassion and understanding and love of the Lord in you and others like you. Finally I am accepting that perhaps the struggle I've always felt against patriocentric views was NOT wrong.
Thank you, for showing us that those who disagree with the patriocentric viewpoint need not be 'in rebellion' or any of the other things that we get called, but instead can be loving, conservative, and relying on God's strength.
Blessings on you for your work, and thank you again. :)

I do feel free, now. Finally. The truth shall set you free....can I get an amen, anyone?  Probably these issues will continue to affect me, but just the one fact is different now....'Bethany, do you WANT to be like them?' and the answer, this time, is no.

Please pray that I will in future always look to God's Word, and that alone, for knowledge of right and wrong. In other words......

And please pray that other young women will be spared needless pain and shame. 

I'm getting baptized in a few weeks, on my birthday as a matter of fact. Perhaps it is appropriate that in the past few months I have begun to actively search the Bible and God's will, and at the same time, to weigh the 'biblical' teachings about patriocentricity which have lurked in the background of my life for years. 

Oh, and I'm happy. 


Lady Brainsample said...


rachel said...

Yay! This makes me so happy! I agree, patriarchy is important and it's important to get away from it and heal and I know the feeling of needing to talk about it. Boy do I know. *hugs*

Rochelle Blue said...

I'm very glad to hear that you are happy.

lots of love

Danzibar said...

sounds good! I'm glad you feel peaceful's a great feeling! :)

Kendra Logan said...

Hey! I forgot to tell you that I need your email address for the Scavenger Hunt so I can email your clue to you :) If you wouldn't mind, send me a message at Thanks! :)


K.T. said...

Hey! Read your story over at True Womanhood. Glad you're working through the whole thing, and finding joy.

My story is a lot like yours. I have some friends who are hardcore Botkinites. They were trying to convert me, and I almost fell for it because I was going through something pretty bad, and I started to believe it was because I wasn't following "God's Plan for Women" (a.k.a. The Botkin's Plan).

Fortunately, I asked God about it. I was like, "look, if you want me to go Botkinite instead of to University, and work only for my Dad (even though he's retired, and does charitable work now) until I get married, I will. I'll follow all the rules the Botkins say you want me to. Just let me know."

Then this article dropped into my mailbox:

For some reason, it exposed whatever lie I'd been believing, and I decided to follow the living God, not some rulebook.

I also re-read Loren Cunningham's Why Not Women, which was encouraging.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story over at True Womanhood. It was good to hear of another young woman who'd flirted with the patrio thing, and decided against it.

Congratulations on your upcoming baptism, by the way!

The Cult Next Door said...

So glad you are happy! Boy do I understand the struggle! It is like a toxin that has to burn its way out of your mind and heart. I still can barely stand to pick up a Bible...going to church is nigh impossible...someday, though, I know it won't be like that anymore...CONGRATS on baptism!!! God bless!

Bethany said...

Gee, I know this response is about 4 years late. I want to thank everyone for their comments. One of the things I appreciate most about blogging is the chance to interact with my adored readers--your comments inspire and encourage me.

Rachel, Lady Brainsample, Dan, Rochelle, Kendra, Cult Next Door--thanks :)
K.T.--thanks for sharing. Yes, the True Womanhood post was the first I ever made online, about patriarchy, and it was SO encouraging to find a community of people who loved with the love of Jesus.
What I want most of all right now is to help other people work through these issues. I've still got problems, I'm scared and depressed some days…but healing is a process, and I hold on to the hope that things WILL get better, that I CAN make a difference in people's lives.
I would love to talk more about this, if you like. Thanks again for the comment.